Boy am I lucky

160.6! Less than a pound above what I need to be, thank goodness! I find it so motivating when I weigh even just a little less than I expect. I expected today to weigh 162, just like last week, because of all the comfort food I've been eating. So this is exciting and I'm completely confident that I'll be safely nestled in the 150s next week at weigh-in.

Breathing a sigh of relief.

Why is this so hard?

Of course, if it were easy, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great.

I have had a super intense sinus infection for about 10 days. Today I feel like I'm starting to get better. We'll see. If I'm not close to 100% by Wednesday, I'm going to get some antibiotics, because this is just miserable. Ugh.

I've learned that when I'm sick, I eat like crap, which undoubtedly extends my period of sickness. (As much as the "organic" "clean" "whole" food movement irks me, I do believe it. Shh...I totally buy into the idea that food can be our greatest medicine or poison. Do I act on that idea? That's another topic and one that I'll probably need some therapy to reconcile, for real.)

Anyway, eating bad while sickness. I think I do this for two reasons. One to self-medicate, and the other is that bad food is just easier to grab and prepare. I mean, if I have no energy and my whole face is pounding with sinus pain, am I going to broil and weigh talapia, then wash, chop and weigh vegetables to make a very nutritious salad, or am I going to microwave a burrito from the freezer? Duh. Healthy eating is work and it takes preparation.

But, today, I am back on the train. I have to be. I just looked at the schedule in my post below, and while I will most likely be a pound or two heavier than I'm supposed to be this Wednesday, I won't be too far off. I feel that my goals are still completely attainable. I also noticed that on February 19th, which is the exact day that Blake turns 6 months old, I am scheduled to be at my pre-pregnancy weight, which is AMAZING. Getting to that weight after Jameson was born took me a full year.

I'm ready to go. I'm envisioning myself at 135 pounds, just in time for Spring, full of energy and proud of the hard work that went in to achieving my goal.

Hi Me, It's Me Again

Back with more baby weight losing adventures.

I mean, Blake was worth it. Sure. And the fatter he gets, the cuter he is. Me, not so much.

So I'm on a low carb diet. Like South Beach Phase 1 all the time, but with portion restrictions. It's no joke. It kicks my butt.

I cheat almost every day, but I've still lost 7 pounds in 6 days.

I was feeling really good and getting the hang of it on day 4 and 5, but then today I made cookies for a neighbor whose daughter was sick and in the hospital. I ate one four and I feel so gross. Sick to my stomach. It was not worth it!

Next time I want to eat junk, I need to remember this feeling. It is not worth it.

My initial concern with the diet was that I wouldn't be eating enough calories and I would lose my milk. I think it did go down in the beginning, but I think my body is starting to trust me again and milk production seems to be fine again. Thank goodness.

After this week, I should lose about 2 pounds a week. From my starting weight, I need to lose 36 pounds. Because I want to be at my wedding weight. I still have never gotten to the Liz Lemon 127 mark, but I felt fantastic with my size on my wedding day, so let's just go back there. Here's my ideal timeline:

Jan 1: 171
Jan 8: 163
Jan 15: 161
Jan 22: 159
Jan 29 157
Feb 5: 155
Feb 12: 153
Feb 19: 151
Feb 26: 149
March 5: 147
March 12: 145
March 19: 143
March 26: 141
April 2: 139
April 9: 137
April 16: 135

Then maintain forever. ha.

Think of it this way. If you are at your wedding weight next time you get pregnant, then gain 36 pounds during the pregnancy, you would weigh at delivery what you weighed on Day 1.

I really want this. It has to happen.

I will achieve it by making every day count. I think people say that a lot and don't really think about what it means. To me, this means waking up with purpose every single day with objectives and plans. I am not nearly Type A as I need to be right now. My house is very disorganized, I am behind on my scripture reading, and my kids don't have a firm schedule. Even my weekly housekeeping schedule has gone out the window. It's time to get cracking. It's time to be disciplined.

Which brings me to my motto of 2014:

It's ok to care. It's good to care, actually. I'm going to care every day and not make it any secret that I'm trying. I want to try so hard that I'm tired at night from all the trying. I want to try so hard that when I mess up, it's ok because I know I'm trying. I want to close each day of this year knowing that I acted like I gave a damn that day.

Let's go!

Well hello there, me.

I'm ba-ack!

So I lost my first ten pounds by the end of May, bringing me to 159. Have been stagnant ever since, but I joined Weight Watchers three weeks ago and I have been slowly, I mean SO SLOWLY, begun to lose again. I'm talking 156 on a good day.

I am watching Chris Powell guest hosting on Dr. Oz, and he says that a weight loss goal should be SMART - specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time-sensitive (urgency!).

He says you should divide your current weight and divide by 100 to get the number of pounds you should be able to lose each week. That is 1.5 pounds a week, so I guess I am doing ok.

I'm not exercising right now. I got rid of my gym membership in favor of the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. It was ok, but now I am burnt out on it and want to get a real gym membership with child care.

Chris Powell is also saying that you should alternate high carb days with low carb days. On high carb days, a meal should have one protein, one carb and as many vegetables as you can eat during a high carb day. Then on low carb days, you still have a high-carb breakfast. On the high carb day, you are boosting metabolism, then on the low carb day you are burning fat. On the seventh day you eat whatever you want! There's a sabbath day to this whole thing.

He said only eat junk outside your house. Don't keep it around.

We just went to visit my parents and I did do a lot of mindless eating, so now I am trying to get back working toward good habits like I was before.

So here are my SMART goals:

Get back to 139 pounds and be able to run 3 miles without stopping before my birthday.

That's 17 pounds to go.

no weight loss in week 2.

well, despite being better about working out this past week, i didn't lose any weight. in fact i am 166.4 when last week i was 166.2.

i was prepared for this and i'm not upset. i know that a consistent effort over time will get me where i need to be.

i did a pretty good job at journaling my eating last week, but i wasn't counting calories at all. just kind of "eye-balling" it and allowing myself lots of little things here and there that really add up.

to reach my goal weight by october 1, which i really want to do so by the holidays i'm in maintenance mode and not still trying to lose, i'll need to start losing 2 pounds each week and sticking to right about 1200 calories a day. this is an intense daily calorie goal that will require creativity and super-mega discipline. i will need to become the girl who says no to treats even if it's kind of socially awkward to do so. i will need to become the girl who says "i already ate" when invited out to eat. it's going to require sneaking in as much exercise as possible. like jillian michaels during nap time AND a solid sweat sesh at the gym later that day.

Calorie Count

i just joined caloriecount.com. it tracks all your calories and key nutrients and has tools to find bmi, bmr, help you track your goals, a place to journal, etc. my mom uses it and really likes it, and so far it seems really helpful.

this is what it says about emotional eating (here):

You use food to affect your mood. This started as a conscious way to motivate yourself when you needed it, but then it became your second nature and turned into an unconscious method of dealing with problems.

Your Eating Habits

You are familiar with sweets, such as cookies, ice cream, cakes, waffles and other carb-loaded diet killers. They somehow creep into your diet whenever you need a little bit of moral support, or when you feel frustrated, unhappy or simply bored. Therefore, those excess calories are not consumed during your regular meals, but in between.

The Solution

Emotional cravings are easily confused with hunger and are therefore difficult to identify. In most cases, emotional eating patterns only become evident when they have already taken place. Therefore, emotional eaters should plan their meals ahead, and always have a clear idea how much they want to consume. This makes any deviations clearly recognizable and allows the user to find alternate and non-food related methods for dealing with emotions.

I love the solution it offers. this is something i can work into the organized life i am trying to have. this is something i have already been trying to do, too, as far as giving myself a little pep talk before eating, where i talk to myself about how much i should eat and strategies for not blowing my goals.

one thing i am trying to figure out

ok, i'm trying to figure out a lot of things. obviously.

but, one thing that really bugs me about myself is my tendency to binge when i'm unhappy with my weight loss progress.

it's seems so counter intuitive, right? "i'm not losing weight fast enough so i'm going to eat more crap food."

*sigh*

i do this more than i'd like to admit.

i got the itch again today. i wanted to go out an get a cupcake. i drive by the cupcake place on my way to the gym every day and today i was thinking if i was good all day, i could go get a cupcake in the afternoon.

well. then i weighed myself and i haven't lost any weight since monday. i know that was only two days ago, but for some reason this made me furious and i wanted to eat everything. in. sight.

luckily i had the presence of mind to stop myself, but why did i want to do that?

is it just because i'm thinking, "well i obviously am incapable of losing weight so i might as well eat what i like."

or does the letdown of my slow progress make me reach for the junk food because the short rush of sugar makes me feel happy, if only for a minute?

i honestly don't know. i don't know if it is just a psychological reaction or part of a chemical addiction to food.

i think a lot of women have these tendencies, but i don't think we ALL do. and i don't think we HAVE to.

i don't have an answer right now. just something i have noticed and have been thinking about lately.