my purpose.

so we know it is time for me to lose weight, because i can't fit into any of my clothes and i am technically "overweight." but i've been really thinking lately about why i'm ACTUALLY doing this.

lots of people are technically overweight, after all. i could just buy bigger clothes and that would be that.

but i'm not going to do that.

i'm doing this for a couple reasons. one is that i feel disgusting and i miss "me."

another is that even when i was thinner, i never quite got to where i wanted to be. i've dreamed of the 120s for years. I have never been there as an adult, with the exception of a few weeks one summer in college when i hardly ever ate. literally, i would go a day or so without anything. having too much fun i guess? i don't know.

the actual 127 number comes from 30 rock. it's so silly, but that's the truth and i want to be totally honest here. on the 30 rock pilot, jack guesses liz's weight as 127 pounds and he's right. i think that number is supposed to be chubby, which is kind of sad. so that's how i got the number. plus i love the number 27. always have.

anyway, another reason i want to do this (1. feel disgusting and 2. never have reached my goal weight before) is to have healthier subsequent pregnancies and not have losing the weight be such a huge ordeal.

i know that losing baby weight is going to always be a challenge. it's just how it goes. but with this first pregnancy, i didn't exercise and i ate whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i also started out the pregnancy at 144 pounds, which is 6 pounds heavier than my set point of 138 that i can easily maintain if i'm getting regular exercise and being somewhat careful about what i eat. when jameson was born, i weighed 190, give or take. that's a 46 pound weight gain and so far i have only been able to lose 21 pounds of it.

think about it: if i started the next pregnancy at 127 and then gained the recommended 25-30 pounds, that would put me between 152 and 157 - only 8 pounds higher than my starting weight for my first pregnancy! coming home from the hospital and shrinking easily below 150 in the first two weeks of my baby's life sounds wonderful. imagine how much less stress i would have about losing weight!

to loosely paraphrase ronald regan, "i know it's a hell of a challenge, but i ask myself: if not me, who? if not now, when?"